There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
