I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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