Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
