You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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