You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
