How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
