Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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