dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
