We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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