I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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