Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
