Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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