you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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