porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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