the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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