Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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