chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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