no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
