Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
