I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
