Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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