Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
