It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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