Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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