addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
