You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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