Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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