We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
