Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
