Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
