i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
