Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
