What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
