it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
