This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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