im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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