I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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