Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
