So drunk its hurt
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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