i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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