threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
