I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
