I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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