I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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