At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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