so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
