Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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