My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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