Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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