3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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