My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
