Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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