I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
