He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize