if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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