We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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