The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
