my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you never un-have a 4some
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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