So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
