On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
