am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
