Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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