The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
